12 things I actually liked about the Sternal Journal this year
PLUS: The Doll Hospital is for sale!
New to the SternJourn? It’s a place where Julian (me) promotes shows; and talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he [I] want(s). Check out the best of 2024, 2022, 2021, or 2020 [I’ll get around to a best of 2023 at some point]!
Shows!
[Culver City, CA] Fanatic Salon. Saturday January 10, 8PM.
[Burbank, CA] Flappers. Saturday January 17, 7:30PM.
[Melrose, LA, CA] Flow-In Cafe. Friday January 24, 6PM.
[Santa Monica, CA] 100 Julian Sterns. Saturday January 31, 8PM.
[Los Angeles, CA] Download Comedy. Thursday February 6.
[Santa Monica, CA] 100 Julian Sterns. Saturday February 21, 8PM.
[Future Shows] Fill out this form to lemme know what city you’re in if you wanna see me perform there! Takes 5 seconds! Helps me make my grand plans!
Hello Sternal Journalists,
It’s the end of the year. Well, it’s the beginning of the year. But this is my end-of-2025 post. I just got back to Los Angeles this morning from uncharacteristically sunny Denver. Denver was also uncharacteristically creepy:
Yeah, does that say “Doll Hospital?” it sure does. Want a closer look? Here it is:
I was going to take a longer look, but—and I’m being 100% serious—as I got close, a crotchety, creepy old man came out the door I was pointing my camera at and I SPRINTED. Ultimately, I think it might have been a The Sandlot situation where it turns out the old man is just lonely and sweet, but I didn’t wanna stick around to find out.
OKAY! RECAP! This is gonna be split into bite-sized chunks that you can meander through as you so please:
Numbers-wise, this was not the best year for the Sternal Journal. I only pumped out 41 issues. That’s 11 missing weeks for which I profusely apologize. If you are a paying member and want me to refund 21.1% of your rate for the year, I will actually do that. If there’s something else you want in return for your missed issues, lemme know. Maybe I’ll do it.
Also numbers-wise, we started last year (1/6/25) by me ranking “Years in your 20s, from Youngest-Feeling to Oldest-Feeling.” As a reminder, these were the rankings:
26
20
22
21
23
24
27
28
25
29
I did this because my sister was about to turn 26 last year, which I told her (and still believe to be true) was the youngest feeling of the years in your 20s. Sorry to bring this list back up, Mollie, as you are now only in the 70th percentile and up. But fear not! 30 is right around the corner, and in my experience, that felt younger than at least 25.
Another thing of note about this first issue last year is that I said this:
Remember all that nervousness you felt about the end of the year just a few weeks ago? Man, it rocks to be on the other side of that, looking at a nearly-untouched brand new year. I know I feel silly for being so stressed before. Let us all rock out.
I said this on January 6th, 2025. This was 24 hours before the Eaton and Palisades fire began, plunging Los Angeles into tragedy and chaos. So I will not be making any massive optimistic declarations this year, and my heart is with everyone still affected by these fires and feeling any sort of feelings around the anniversary.
I will gently and meekly state that I am happy that, this year, I have not yet fallen sideways on a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s so hard that I had to google and text me doctor friends “Can you get a concussion from falling only on your butt?” (1/13/25) That was a terrible way to start the year, and I’m grateful that, so far, knock on wood, that hasn’t happened.
I forgot about “10 Songs that at one time I thought were the greatest song of all time.” (1/27/25) and am proud of this one because I have thought about doing this for years. I recommend doing this exercise for yourself. Not just songs that you think everyone would rank highest, but YOU. For instance, my inclusion of “Don’t Eat the Pictures” by Cookie Monster might seem iffy on a Rolling Stone list, but I can tell you that 4-year-old Julian had his mind blown.
Also worth noting that in a subsequent issue, I updated to include “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by the Proclaimers and “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats.
Probably the most Sternal Journal SternJourn I did this year was when I (3/24/25) documented my accidental purchase and immediate attempt to get my money back from the “AIP GAGRUFEL,” a totally made up shoe that does not exist. As a reminder, this is what they looked like.
This should be in the recs section, but it’s not because I believe I didn’t just recommend Kesha feat. T-Pain’s YIPEE-KI-YAY. I made an argument (3/31/25) for why it is one of the most moving redemption stories of the year, made especially poignant by the fact that neither of these artists ever should have had to redeem themselves.
Probably my favorite piece of ~cultural criticism~ I wrote (4/21/25) was following a thread of television shows promoting the value of friendship during a time when community is being disincentivized.
I lost my election ;((( (4/28/25) But I did write the sentence “You cannot actually make L.A. safer by fear-gooning on the NextDoor app all day,” which I’m proud of.
In the same week, I was a guest on this podcast (also avail on YouTube):
And made this sketch:
both of which I love!
I got to share some of my findings from polling people about hotness for my show, 100 Julian Sterns Ranked By Hotness Alone (coming to the Crow January 31st!) (8/18/25), and here they are:
People feel hot in cool pants. This has come up 5 or 6 times as a reason why someone is feeling especially hot that day. It is crazy that this is the most consistent thing that comes up.
Many men in their 40s or 50s will report never having felt hot in their entire life.
Women in their 40s or 50s report feeling hot because of menopause and I have yet to figure out the correct response to that.
People don’t talk about how sleeping well makes them feel hot, but they do talk about how not sleeping well makes them feel not hot.
Across the board, people believe it is hotter to die young than to live a full life. But they think it’s hottest to not want to die.
People think a man dressed up in a suit and standing confidently is either very hot or the least hot thing they’ve ever seen because he’s trying too hard.
When you ask everyone to say the hottest person they’ve ever seen on the count of 3, a lot of people don’t say anything.
But if somebody does say something, everybody else thinks it’s way hotter for someone to say something like “a person I saw crossing the street yesterday” than “Dua Lipa.”
Hoop earrings were brought up twice as making someone feel hot.
Most people think horniness and hotness are perpendicular to each other, and don’t love it when I try to shoehorn a connection just to tee up a song I was planning to do.
Everyone thinks self-control is hot, and they seem to mean it.
One guy said I looked too “vehement” in a picture, and I think I’ve only ever heard it used as an adverb so I love that shit.
I also shared more memoir-y memories of Edinburgh Fringe here (day 1, 9/29/25) and here (days 2-20, 10/6/25).
And then finally, most recently, I talked about my recent flirt with virality (19 million views and counting, mmmgulp) and my subsequent thoughts on performative cringe.
WOO! Okay, you know what? Based on that, it looks like I wrote/made/was a part of at least 12 things I liked this year and for the Sternal Journal, that’s not too bad! Instead of doing the normal Recs, I’ve collected allll the recs from the year and shared any picks that I still remembered, but did not feel super obvious. I watched and read some good stuff this year!
Recs!
BOOKS
The Perfect Mile
Project Hail Mary
Why We’re Polarized
Good Material
Running the Light
The Bright Sword
PODCASTS
Cement City
Pete Buttigieg on Flagrant
Don’t Be A Stranger with Jonah Hill & Michael Cera
The Protocol
Everything is Television
Articles of Interest: Gear
SONGS
Hotbox (Lil Nas X)
Relationships (HAIM)
Love Me To Heaven (Jonas Brothers)
YIPEE-KI-YAY (Ke$ha feat. T-Pain)
The Rose Bowl (Your Old Droog, The Alchemist, Jim Sharp Remix)
Destiny (Prof feat. Sauce Walka)
I Write Hymns Not Travesties (Yung Gravy)
New Money (Mazza_I20, Aitch)
The Benevolent Regime of King Farouk II
Postman Pat (Nine and Dex)
1-Up (Cricket!)
Beto’s Horns (Fred again..)
Everybody Supports Women (Sofia Isella)
ALBUMS
Life is Beautiful (Larry June, 2 Chainz, The Alchemist)
Flee FM 2 (Ruff Sqwad)
GAMES
Monument Valley 3
Split Fiction
ESSAYS/ARTICLES
We’re Getting the Social Media Crisis Wrong
The Master Origami Artist Whose Collection Turned to Ash in Altadena
Crystal Ball Dept
Don’t Tread on Frank
SHORT STORIES
Nocturnal Creatures
VIDEOS/SHORT FILMS
The Robert Rodriguez Ten Minute Film School
Relationship to Patient
Trombone for Cows
ASMR Sleep Story: Luigi Mangione Reads Your Letters of Support
NSync Cancun MTV Spring Break 1999
Lioness & Queenie
MOVIES/LONG FILMS
Black Bag
Warfare
Drop
Kneecap
Nonnas
A Different Man
Stripper Boyz
TELEVISION SHOWS
The Residence
House of Guinness
Alrighty, that’s all folks! Thanks again for another year. My new year’s resolution is to not skip a SINGLE week this year! Let’s see how it goes!
Much love!
Julian!