Notable SternJourns of 2024
And a financial milestone wahoo!
Est. Read Time: 6 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
New to the SternJourn? You’re getting this email because you subscribed or asked me to add you! It’s a place where Julian (me) talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he wants. Check out the best of 2022, 2021, or 2020!
Hello Sternal Journalists,
Some news. As of this month, the Sternal Journal has cracked the $1,000 mark in annual revenue. As my dad pointed out immediately, “that’s not really self-sustaining, Julian.” But it’s also a nice round number with an extra figure and I wouldn’t have noticed except Substack made me this very corny graphic to share:
So (a) thank you to all paying members of the Sternal Journal. You do not have to do that and I empower and encourage you to cancel you subscription if at any point you need or want to. If I didn’t make it abundantly clear, you get no regularly-maintained perks by paying for it. This knowledge makes it all the more nice. Seriously, it’s cool. Seriously, stop if you ever even lightly want to. Also, if you can think of anything you want in exchange for financially supporting the SternJourn, I’m all ears.
But (b) this is a really nice reminder that shit takes time. I’ve always known it, but I think this is the year I’ve come to love it. I’ve spent much of my adult life with at least 30% of my brain running a to-the-minute analysis of just how short I’m falling of all my expectations.
But this year, I:
performed in four curated comedy festivals
got representation
did a full run of my hour for the first time at Edinburgh Fringe
as stated above, cracked the $1K on annual SternJourn profits
performed for my largest audience yet (170) while featuring for my friend, Sam Salem (who will not let me forget that he gave me that opportunity)
made my [cable] TV debut
got a day job I like
gained clarity on a lot of other little tiny personal things that just make me feel better
This stuff is great! It also can feel like small potatoes! There’s still a lot of work! It’s not really self-sustaining, Julian!
And while I could logically lay out why the latter is true, I’m trying to also remember that you can only make big potatoes by mushing together a bunch of small potatoes (this is a bad metaphor), and nobody gets the exact size or amount of potatoes they desire exactly when they desire them (this is a really bad metaphor).
But hey, either the SternJourn will blow up and you’ll be able to say you witnessed the first thou, STACK, G, K! Or it’ll remain modest and you’ll be able to say, “Damn, it’s cool Julian kept doing that all for love. I’m glad he got rich off of [insert fantastical job].
Either way, I’m glad to be on the journey with you.
But it’s the end of the year! Let’s round up the…
Notable SternJourns of 2024!
I started off the year by deciding to make decision more quickly (or “more orange-ly”) because decision-making is my enemy and ruins my life. I had maybe a 20% success rate, but even that was huge. If you have problems with decisions, maybe give this one a read!
I wrote this one about how all healthy habits eventually become mental prisons. It was specifically about running, but it could apply to anything. Update: after having fallen off running, I ran a half marathon and then fell off running again and just this week was proud to run a total of eighteen miles which is eight miles less than the weekly mileage I had hoped to hit this time last year. This is literally what life will be forever and the sooner I get used to it, the better.
In what was perhaps the best SternJourn of the year, I tackled the Los Angeles East Side-West Side boundary debate with courage and a balance of truth and practicality that it has never had the pleasure of seeing. I was scientific. I was right. This belongs at City Hall. It has a couple typos but whatever. And of course, Kendrick Lamar has since obliterated any need for this argument with his scathing and true, “Don’t say you hate LA when you don’t travel past the 10.”
I muted everyone on Instagram this year. In the two month check-in here, I gave the experience a C+ because I was spending less time on Instagram, but all of it was bad. I can report that it kept feeling that way and that now I might be spending just as much time looking at Instagram, but only awful Discover Page shit, so this experiment might have determined that my tactic is a failure.
This essay about how the Hollywood sign is a Rorschach test for how your career is going is especially SternJourn because I claimed it would be a part 1 of 2 and then never delivered part 2. I stand by it. Listen to “All the Above.” It is the most inspiring song of all time.
This list of my favorite roads comes from my favorite ice breaker question: “What is your favorite road?” People always have good answers and it’s a nice thing to think about.
I invented the word “step-show,” which is a show that you don’t watch but your partner does so you know a lot about it. I think it’s useful, but it didn’t catch on. This is my last attempt to give it life.
This captures the experience of bringing a show to Edinburgh Fringe more than any of my other attempts.
I wrote about the Hollywood Christmas Parade signs, which I’ve always been fascinated by because absolutely nobody has ever heard of this thing and it’s been prominently advertised as hosted by Erik Estrada for like twenty years.
What a year, we had a good time, thanks for the ride. And of course…
Recommendations! [Best of the year!]
These are some of the recs that, when I saw them while looking at the old posts, made me say, “Oh yeah! That!” They are presented with original descriptions.
Non Believer. Song. New Kodak Black. Bumpin’.
The Last Repair Shop. Short Film. This Disney+ Oscar-nominated short film (also available free on YouTube at the link!) about the LA Unified School District free musical instrument repair shop made me cry and made me proud to be a public school student and an honorary Angeleno. Truly fun for literally anyone.
One Day. Television Show. I’m obsessed with this Netflix rom-dram about two people who meet on the final day of college in 1988 and then see them every year on the same say for twenty years. I just got to the part where they are my age (35) and I am full of every emotion possible. I have two episodes left and will be ready to discuss.
Bad Boys 2. Song. I am obsessed with this song by Chance the Rapper and Joey Purp. Got it on repeat. “City on my shoulder like Iago” is an incredible line. Highly recommend.
Following. Film. I’ve recommended Christopher Nolan’s first film before, but I was reminded because I watched Memento on a plane and, while it was very good, I think I actually thought Following did the same thing but a bit more concisely. Since it is the far lesser-seen of the two, I’m re-upping my recommendation!
Trap. Film. I just got back from seeing the new M. Night Shyamalan movie starring Josh Hartnett. I am absolutely here for the Hartnaissance, and this movie is no exception. If you’ve seen a trailer, you know what the movie is about. If you haven’t, Josh Hartnett plays a doting father taking his daughter to see her favorite pop star at their stadium tour. But it just so happens that, on the day they’re going to the show, the authorities have laid a trap to catch notorious serial killer The Butcher, who they have good reason to believe will be at the concert. But. It. Just. So. Happens. That. Josh Hartnett is also the serial killer.
Torn between his duties as a doting father (which he takes very seriously and seems to find joy in) and his self-preservation instincts, he attempts to thread the needle to varying degrees of success. It’s by no means a perfect movie and my friends and I each had multiple “butwhatabouts” upon leaving the theater, but we also had a very good time and, in my opinion, the movie nails everything important. For people concerned, it is not scary and it is funny at times. See it in a theater or on a plane. Nowhere else.The Beekeeper. Film. This was the best movie of 2024.
Alrighty Sternal Journalists! Much love and wishing you joy, presence, and fun times in 2025.
Love!Julian!