My top 5 Favorite Roads
Not "Reads!" ROADS!
Est. Read Time: 4 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
New to the SternJourn? You’re getting this email because you subscribed or asked me to add you! It’s a place where Julian (me) talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he wants. Check out the best of 2022, 2021, or 2020!
SHOWS:
Big Kahuna in Hollywood. May 19th. Tickets!
Secret D.C. Show. May 26th. Downtown, 8pm, hmu for deets!
Comedy Loft (DC). May 28th. featuring for the great Sam Salem. I want to get so many people in here that Sam doesn’t have any fans, and it’s all my fans and they become his fans. Please help.
Pizza Party @ The Crow. June 24th. Tickets t0 come! Westside, free parking!
Helloooo Sternal Journalists!
I have a new day job that I should, for boring reasons, keep vague, but the gist of it is that I’m facilitating creative groups and workshops. These groups almost always start with an ice breaker question that I get to decide (power trip!).
Over time, I’ve exhausted all of the typical questions (desired superpower, where would you live for a year, every would you rather in the books) and had to make up my own. I’ve made up a handful over the past few months, but by far the most successful one I’ve ever come up with is:
What is your favorite road?
This is not only successful because it’s a thought-provoking question, but because it initially garners responses of boredom and skepticism; then as we go around the group, virtually everyone realizes, “holy shit, this has unlocked a trove of emotions and connectedness for me.” And in my opinion, it is better to be doubted then right, then to be right from the start. This is probably something to talk about in therapy and also something that I am saying off the record in case any friends or loved ones try to bring this up in a fight.
Anyway! It’s such a rewarding exercise that I thought I’d share it with you and also share some of the roads that I believe to be the top roads of all time.
Cedar Lane. It connects Kensington, Maryland to Bethesda, Maryland. It is deliciously but not nauseatingly windy. It was the route that my friend Francois always drove me home after a night out in D.C. and we talked about life and he smoked cigarettes out the window and the air was crisp and there was a plant that we called "***-blossoms” because they smelled like *** and if you need to know what the asterisks are hiding, you can email me privately and I’ll tell you. ***-blossoms exist all over the United States and everyone I’ve pointed this out to has begrudgingly agreed that I am right, they do smell like that.
Laurel Canyon Boulevard. Laurel Canyon Boulevard in Los Angeles would probably get voted top 100 roads in the world if everyone voted because of it’s also delicious windiness and all of the musical history that surrounds it. I personally like it because it is a great road to barrel down while blasting the Jurassic Park theme song or Go The Distance from Hercules. There is also an insanely large bust of Harry Houdini outside where he apparently used to live.
Beach Drive. We are back in Kensington, Maryland, and of course this fella is windy. It goes through Rock Creek Park, an absurdly narrow and long park that needles itself all the way into D.C. I still run and drive along it sometimes and think, “This is all you need.” Also, once I was on the school bus junior year of high school lamenting that I did not own a car, and then I saw one of my friends who did have a car standing off of Beach Drive on the path, where he had (without injury) accidentally driven his whole-ass car after spinning out on the road. “Okay,” I thought. “At least I can’t do that with no car.”
Montana Avenue. At this point, you’re thinking, “Okay, he’s a big wind-whore. Windies only with this guy.” But nay! Here you have Montana Avenue, a beautiful and bougie, wide walking street that goes all the way from Brentwood to the beach. And it is straight as an arrow. I don’t care about the beach as much as most do, but there’s a point right at 14th and Montana where, if you’re on a run or driving or whatever, the ocean suddenly peaks out and you can see all the way to the horizon. And if you’re not into that sort of thing, you can turn around and find yourself at the O.J. murder house in less than five minutes.
The Mound. It has an incredible name, but also this road in Edinburgh, Scotland has been the site of many a traipse of mine to and from shows. It is beautiful and next to a real castle, and you can see a ton of cool stuff and feel full when you walk down it. I’m not sure if it counts as windy as it has exactly one wind in it.
Well, there you have it. I know there weren’t any Atlanta roads in there and I spent five years there, but (a) my answers to these questions change every day, and (b) I was blissfully ignorant of directions for most of my time there, so while I have many places and people I love there, the roads themselves pale in comparison and/or I wasn’t paying enough attention to include them in the list. Now, if this were “favorite shopping centers,” we all know Toco Hills would be numbers 1-5.
Alrighty, you got a favorite road you wanna share? Drop it in the comments!
Recommendations!
Prime Mutton. Instagram Account. There is something extremely joyous about this food and beer blogger from Manchester. He appreciates a proper Guinness more than anyone I’ve ever known has appreciated anything.
The Gentlemen (The Movie). Movie. I watched the first half of this on a plane a few years ago and then I watched the loose spinoff on Netflix a couple weeks ago, so I rewatched and finished the movie this week. The show and the movie are both fun and share only a premise and a couple sets. It’s weird! Like there’s a chop shop that exists in both, but has completely contradictory characters running it. But both are fun. In my opinion, watch the show first and then use the movie as a dessert (thanks to Nicolai for the trick about how to spell “dessert” which I just employed).
Should This Creepy Search Engine Exist? Podcast. This is an episode of a podcast called “Search Engine” which, while not about search engines normally, is in this episode. This episode is about ClearView AI and other facial recognition software. It feels like something that will affect all of us in the near future, so worth a listen!
run! Song. Willow has maybe always been the most talented Smith, and I’m excited that she’s back. I’ve only listened to this song, but am stoked to go through the album.
Alrighty, that’s all for this week!
May you only travel your favorite roads! (and happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate)
Much love!
Julian
P.S. Here is a picture of Beach Drive because all of the pictures when you Google Cedar Lane were of dumb houses on Cedar Lane.
Wind, baby, wind!!!!!!
Normally, I use this area to say that you can upgrade to paid if you’re rich. I hugely appreciate those of you who have, but nobody should ever feel pressured to! AAAAALSO though, if you’re the type to hit a like or leave a comment and you just haven’t thought of doing it on the SternJourn yet, come on in! Lemme know if you love or hate the recs! All engagement unfortunately is good engagement. But if you do not have time, get outta here and don’t worry about it! I’ll see ya next week!