The Age of Hotness (literally), a fun clip from a show, entertainment industry hope, and more
Iiiit's a grab bag!
Est. Read Time: 5 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
New to the SternJourn? It’s a place where Julian (me) promotes shows; and talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he [I] want(s). Check out the best of 2024, 2022, 2021, or 2020 [I’ll get around to a best of 2023 at some point]!
Shows!
[Atwater Village, CA] Demon Blood at High Low. Wednesday July 2
[Los Feliz, LA, CA] Splash Zone at The Clubhouse. Monday July 7
[Orange County] Durty Nelly’s Costa Mesa. Saturday July 12
[Santa Monica, CA] 100 Julian Sterns, Ranked By Hotness Alone. Friday July 18.
[New York, NY] Clip That! Thursday, July 24.
[Edinburgh, Scotland] 100 Julian Sterns, Ranked By Hotness Alone. August 2-20.
[Future Shows] Fill out this form to lemme know what city you’re in if you wanna see me perform there! Takes 5 seconds! Helps me make my grand plans!
Hello Sternal Journalists,
Let’s do a good old-fashioned Stern Journ grab bag. First up…
A Random Clip From A Show I Did This Weekend:
As a performer, I have always tried my best to live by the Conan O’Brien adage, “Never let an audience know they’re getting a bad show.” I take it to mean that if a lineup sucks or if a room is kinda weird, sure, you might be able to get some laughs off of dunking on your surroundings, or even making fun of the audience for getting themselves into this situation. But ultimately, while it could improve your set (it also could turn them against you!), it often makes the audience a little less comfortable which in turn makes for a worse overall show. So it’s good, in my opinion, to always just act like they’re getting the best show of their life.
Almost always. Because sometimes you have an audience with four people in it, which is what I had on Saturday. When you got four people in the audience, you kinda gotta acknowledge it. So I thought I would share a fun story and explain to them why it was better that they had come to the little indie room I was in instead of going to the Comedy Store. Probably only other comics will like this, but who knows!:
Also worth saying that I love and respect every venue and person I mention in this clip. I would say that either way to cover my ass, but I mean it.
The book making me hopeful about Hollywood
Everyone I know in the writing/movie-making/tv-making side of the entertainment industry is SPOOKED right now. I get it. It’s a weird time. It seems like things aren’t getting better.
But! My recommendation from last week, Adventures in the Screen Trade, is really giving me (who has no material reason to be optimistic) some real optimism. For one, this is how it starts:
“This book was begun at the greatest time of panic and despair in modern Hollywood history—late January of ‘82.”
HA! Literally six years before I and a lot of the people I know who are scared of why it’s so bad right now were born. I doubt many of them can speak to what was so bad about 1982. I certainly couldn’t. And yet it seems like it felt as disastrous as it does now. Anyway, Goldman goes on to explain why it feels so bad and then says:
“Again, this is the worst period within memory. By the time this book sees print, it may well be the best period within memory. The point being this: Movies are a gold-rush business.”
This coupled with the fact that almost every single dynamic laid out in the book feels identical to today (except for the fact that stars didn’t want to do TV in the 80s) makes it feel like it could be okay.
Nice Pictures
My friend and talented photographer Ben Nickelson took some nice pics of me.
If you want him to take nice pics of you, hit him up.
What you got for being the third hottest in ancient Greece
In my research for 100 Julian Sterns, Ranked By Hotness Alone, I saw a thing about how in ancient Greece, there were beauty contests (perhaps the first recorded ever), and the prizes in at least one instance were:
First place: carry sacrificial vessels
Second place: lead an ox
Third place: lay out the sacrifice
Quite a drop there from second to third. “Congrats, you’re the third hottest person in the polis! Now take these goat entrails and really make it a spread, cool?”
100 Years of Hotness
I also, in my research learned that, according to the OED, the first instance of “hot” to describe someone as attractive was in 1926. We’re almost at the hot centennial! Hotness has existed for a century! And I think that is hot. Alright, it’s time for…
Recommendations!
Trust. Book. I am only one chapter into this book, but it was on all the lists and everyone says it’s good so I feel comfortable recommending it. It is described as a “literary puzzle” because it includes four fictional books within this also fictional book, so I’m excited for that. Lookin’ for a book to read? Read along with me!
Blue Prince. Video Game. Okay, this is a weird recommendation because I have barely played this game and I don’t think I’m going to continue, but it has absolutely consumed my household, as well as other friends. It’s about an inheritance and a spooky mansion that resets with new rooms every day and it has puzzles hidden in puzzles twisted in with other puzzles. It seems to be a problem in some people’s lives on the internet, so if you have a lot going on, this is a recommendation to AVOID this game. But if you like got sick or are looking for some piece of media that you can sink your teeth into and get lost in (and are okay with a game that is so elaborate that it requires you to keep a notebook by you at all times), give it a go!
Dirty South Hip Hop Instrumentals. Playlist. I’m always looking for engaging, but non-distracting music to work to and I pretty much always settle back on my old standby, TRON Legacy Reconfigured (h/t to my friend Farrell to introducing me to it in 2011). But tonight, I stumbled upon this playlist which includes just the instrumentals for such classics as “Holidae In,” “Get Back,” “Live Your Life,” Grillz,” “Lean Back,” “Ride Wit Me,” “Right Thurr,” and more. If you were in high school in the mid aughts or lived in Atlanta from 2006-2010, this playlist might just be what you need to bring the crunk to your 9 to 5.
I Write Hymns Not Travesties. Song. You will either absolutely love or absolutely hate this new Yung Gravy song. Let me know which it is and I’ll share the tally next week.
This Video of Ying Yang Twins Having the Time of Their Life Performing at Sea World. Video. Exactly what it sounds like.
Alrighty, that’s all for this week!
Much love!
Julian!