Birthdays are once a year. Birthday *times*? Twice a day!
And a show this Friday in Echo Park
Est. Read Time: 6 Minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group1, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections.
If you like the Sternal Journal, forward it to a friend. They can find the Best of 2020 list here2.
Hi Sternal Journalists,
I’ve been working this week on expanding my old joke about OCD and it goes kinda like this:
So I have OCD, but the real kinda OCD. Diagnosed. Factory certified.
There’s a lotta stolen valor that goes on around OCD these days—
People who are like “I’m so OCD. I have my life together.”
But nuhnuhnuhno! That’s not what that means!
Somebody color-codes a bookshelf and says “I’m so OCD about decorating.”
No, you’re not! That just looks nice! That’s called picking an aesthetic and executing on it.
If you were OCD about decorating, all your books would be on the floor and you would be too because you wantit tobe perfect, but itcan’t be perfect, andifitcan’tbe perfect, NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY!
Whether or not it reads well on the page, I’m getting into a groove with the material and I’m enjoying the rewrite process. If you want to see a version of it in person, come to Furthur Comedy at 9PM in Echo Park this Friday:
This show is a very, very fun and chill time. If you want to have a nice Friday night, it’s not a bad place to start.
But now, here’s a little piece of experimental flash fiction I wrote, inspired by (A) the fact that when I look at a clock and it’s 7:28 (my birthday time {my birthday is July 28}), I do a little dance, and by (B) conversations I have with people sometimes:
Not a lot of people celebrate their birthday time, but Lil’ Joey does. Their birthday is May 6th, and whenever they catch the clock at 5:06—more often PM but it’s all the more special when it’s AM—they do a little tap of the forehead and nod of the clock. And think of something nice.
Lil’ Mickey says that what Lil’ Joey does is honor Lil’ Joey’s birthday, not really celebrate. It’s too quiet to be a celebration. At a celebration, there’s music, there’s conversation, there’s maybe even or at least a speech.
And one one hand, Lil’ Joey thinks this is bullshit nitpicky and exactly the reason Lil’ Joey doesn’t tell Lil’ Mickey the little things they thing about and do to pass the time.
On the other hand, Lil’ Joey thinks they do hear music—a little chime—whenever they catch the clock on that birthday time. And Lil’ Joey thinks the clock is kinda talking to them, and Lil’ Joey is kinda talking back.
That’s a conversation. And what’s a conversation if not two speeches talking to each other?
So even by Lil’ Mickey’s bullshit nitpicky standards, it’s a celebration.
But Lil’ Joey won’t say any of that. Because Lil’ Mickey never wants to fucking hear about or think about or bend even a smidge towards anything Lil’ Mickey didn’t come up with Lil’ Mickey’s self.
So for Lil’ Joey, it’s just: “You’re right, Lil’ Mickey. I’m just honoring it. That’s still nice to me. I still like that.”
And Lil’ Mickey says: “Of course, Lil’ Joey! You should honor it. And honestly? Honoring something is worth celebrating… Dang! That’s something interesting, isn’t it Lil’ Joey? That’s a kinda wild profound thing I thought, huh?”
So Lil’ Joey closes Lil’ Joey’s eyes and screams.
There’s your Sternal Experiment for the week. Come to Furthur on Friday to see more!
But for now…
Recommendations!
Succession Season 3 Finale. Televsision. Oooooh, I loved it.
Guinea Pig. Song. This song by Scott Tyler Schwartz of The Shadowboxers is his first solo excursion. While he is a friend of mine, you know I only share shit I like here at The Sternal Journal. Plus, him being my friend wouldn’t have made me wake up with it stuck in my head one day this morning, which did happen. Give it a listen and get ready to stank-face at these vocals.
The End of Us. Film. I got to see this movie starring Ali Vingiano and Ben Coleman, and directed by Steven Kanter and Henry Loevner in a theater last week. This is cool (1) because (disclosure again!) Ali is a friend of mine (but again—wouldn’t share if it wasn’t good—you know me, Sternal Journalists!). The others involved were not originally friends of mine, but there was an after-party and obviously I became friends with most everyone (you know me, Sternal Journalists!).
More importantly, (2) this was cool because they made this movie while quarantined during the throes of pre-vaxx COVID. It’s a rom-com-trag about a couple who breaks up right before lockdown and has to contend with staying physically together while growing apart. Much like the real lockdown was for me, the movie is intimate and tragic and, when you least expect it, bursts with levity.
That’s What They All Say. Album. One year anniversary of the young king Jack Harlow’s debut album. I went for a walk and listened to it this morning.
Anyway! That’s all for this week! Much love and a wonderful week to you, Sternal Journalists!
Julian
P.S. I spend anywhere between two and twelve hours a week on the Sternal Journal. If you enjoy receiving it (and are RICH) consider becoming a paying subscriber. For just a few bucks a month, you can provide me with a bit more time to come up with fun topics, poems, and interviews; and you with probably fewer typos.
Would you buy an “Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group” shirt? What about a “Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections” jumpsuit?
That best of 2021 list is coming soon, so better read the best of 2020 now!