What I b*tch about when I b*tch about b*tching about social media
Plus I answer a letter to the editor. Sorry for the wait.
Est. Read Time: 7 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
New to the SternJourn? It’s a place where Julian (me) promotes shows; and talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he [I] want(s). Check out the best of 2024, 2022, 2021, or 2020 [I’ll get around to a best of 2023 at some point]!
Shows!
[Santa Monica, CA] Jetlagged. Tuesday September 9, 8:30pm. Free!
[Downtown LA, CA] Roast of Superman. Saturday September 27, 6:30PM. *Only for people attending LA Comic Con!*
[Santa Monica, CA] 100 Julian Sterns Ranked By Hotness Alone. Saturday October 4th, 8PM. Runnin’ it back. Tickets moved slow, then very fast for the last show so snag em early!
[Santa Monica, CA] Bright Spot. Saturday November 22, 8PM.
[Future Shows] Fill out this form to lemme know what city you’re in if you wanna see me perform there! Takes 5 seconds! Helps me make my grand plans! I wanna do Chicago? Portland soon?
Hello Sternal Journalists,
I have been delinquent in my duties as a Substacker and missed a whopping 4 weeks out of the past 6. This basically doubles my all-time weeks missed tally over the past four years. If you noticed, I apologize. If you didn’t notice, what?! You should be paying better attention!
Absolutely just kidding. I hope the Sternal Journal is always unimaginably low on your list of things to worry about, but still a nice way to start your week (or midweek if I’m late) whenever you decide to read the whole thing instead of guiltily swiping it into your Gmail archive.
To try to get back up to speed (and eventually fulfill promises made in prior SternJourns), here are two mini essays about what I’ve been up to. And awayyyy we go:
Letter to the Editor: Last Week’s Stern Journal
It was brought to my attention by Josh Edelman—comedian, friend, and former Sternal Journal interview subject—that I missed one of the, to him, most important takeaways in my mid-Fringe rundown of what I learned from talking to people about hotness. To him, the most fascinating thing was that anything can be hot and/or anyone can be hot, so everyone should be a little less stressed (if I’m misparaphrasing him, he can and will correct me and I’ll run it next week).
But he has a point. I spent 19 days asking people to talk about what they thought made someone hot, and what made them feel hot, and a fair amount of the responses did not have to do with physical attributes.
I think the reason I avoided or didn’t gravitate towards this aspect of the retelling is because on one hand, it seems obvious. Of course people are going to say that it’s hot to be smart or funny or confident, and that boobs, muscles, angles, symmetry aren’t so important. That’s what everyone says. But do they really mean it?
Well, I think the other reason I avoided this aspect is because, while it did feel like people really meant it, I did not think there was any way to convey that. I spent 3ish years working at Maxim, internally rolling my eyes when the fourth-billed actress of a Michael Bay movie or CSI spinoff told me that a sense of humor was the hottest thing (s/o Bar Paly and Elisabeth Harnois for putting up with my shenanigans), so maybe I just have so long assumed everyone was engaging in PR-play/reputation laundering when they say that kind of thing, that I didn’t know how to say that I was starting to think it might be genuine.
By the way if you’ve read this far and are confused about what I’m talking about, it’s my Fringe show, which you can find a description of here.
And were there people who just talked about physical attributes? Totally. Including the last day when there was a generational rift between one old Australian man and five young Danish women. Wish you coulda been there. The Danes came out on top, but it was a squeaker.
Again, if you want to get involved in this madness, come see my next show in L.A. October 4th.
What I learned from posting about creativity on social media again
Every now and then, I put out some serious, self-important stuff where I’m talking about creativity on social media and it turns out to be a real heater. This was one of them:
Mostly what I’ve learned is that this is a relatable idea. 95% of comments are just people commiserating or saying something along the lines of “THIS!”
But the few people who challenged the sentiment have some argument along the lines of “Quit complaining. Everyone has always had to market their art if they wanted to commodify it. This is just the new way to do it. If you don’t like it, tough cookies.”
And in respectfully arguing with them, two things have happened.
One, I have become more entrenched in my position. I know that you’ve always had to do administrative and non-creative work to make your creativity lucrative, but what I think is different now is that the way you are supposed to market is itself a creative medium, therefore severely blurring the lines between what is marketing and what is creative. At least in comedy, I feel pretty confident that if you were to look at a pie chart of how much the average comedian spent on pure stand up versus marketing over time, marketing would take up a bigger share now than ever before. Also, there is certainly a tradeoff and I’m not saying being a comedian is worse now than it’s ever been. I love it and I’m doing it now. I just think this aspect of it is maddening, whether or not it is a fair tradeoff.
And two, I have become more famous on the internet! Only marginally, 60 new followers. But Ms are built by Ks, and Ks are build by hundreds of followers, and so on and so on. So! My content wherein I (some have said expertly) complain about needing to use social media to grow my reach has effectively grown my reach. That… makes me feel… complicated?
Alrighty, that’s all this week. I think we’re back to form. But before I go, of course…
Recommendations!
Live. Laugh. Love. Album. Earl Sweatshirt is back. Out of the Odd Future crew, I’ve always felt a more instant connection to Tyler The Creator, but always wanted to like Earl. This quick (half-hour) project about growing up and fatherhood was a great way to dive in. Even better when paired with…
Earl Sweatshirt Interview! Podcast. …this interview! I’m always skeptical of “I am a Brooklyn-based journalist with a background in blogging who covers hip hop for the New York Times”-vibed podcast hosts (mostly jealous), but I really loved this conversation and it deepened my appreciation for the album, Earl Sweatshirt, and generally inspired me to be more creative and relax a little.
Weapons. Movie. I finally saw this. Outside of five to seven terrifying jump scares, it could have just been a funny, thrilling movie that everyone got to see. My only issue with it is that I have friends and loved ones who will never see it. Not saying anything else because I had the pleasure of going in knowing nothing.
The Bright Sword. Book. I’m a third of the way through this Arthurian tome from Lev Grossman, writer of The Magicians trilogy, and I’m already lamenting that it will end. Never been a big fantasy or King Arthur guy, but Grossman is such a fun writer and does a great job of getting the reader excited about this world that he’s clearly been a fan of for a long time. Couldn’t recommend more.
New Money. Song. I’m kind of obsessed with the Liverpool accent, especially after finally watching Adolescence (another rec if you didn’t see it already), so I was pleased to have this song come across my desk. Catchy, poppy, accent on full display. Very strong start-of-the-week-let’s-get-after-it anthem.
Hanging Out on the couches at furniture stores. Activity. I went to get lunch with my friend (and yours) Chris, and he said, “Let’s just go to World Market.” World Market does not have food, but it does have couches and we just hung out there for 45 minutes. Thank you Chris for teaching me that the world is your living room for the taking.
Okay, that’s all this week! Missed you, I will never leave you like that again.
Much love!
Julian!



World Market *does* have food, what the fuck