Est. Read Time: 2 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
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Hello, Sternal Journalists!
I’m officially back stateside and trying to reacclimate to post-Fringe life. It’s hard, so I’ve been looking at pictures.
This one is a sign I walked by most days and would always joke to myself, “Fleshmarket close? Thank god, I’ve been walking forever.”
As it turns out, “Fleshmarket” was not a term for the red light district—seems like they didn’t have those—but rather what they used to call the butcher. Gross!
Then there’s this one of me sitting in Scottish philosopher David Hume’s lap in case you missed it on Instagram:
Love climbing statues even though you absolutely shouldn’t do it and I will 1,000% get in trouble for it one day. But if you do, find one with as comfy a lap as Mr. Hume’s.
And then check out this ad for Scottish Slurpee rival, Snow Shock, which are somehow not alcoholic!
And then there’s this one, which I walked by on the way to the theater every single day.
It always gave me a chuckle because I think it’s supposed to imply that his plan will be to save money, but boy does it look like he’s casing the joint to rob the place!
But all of those are meaningless compared to this one:
Not specifically Scottish, but this old-school hand dryer reminded me: was it a scam that people could supposedly use these things to dry their faces??? I had these in my elementary school and I think I assumed that, at some point when I got old enough, I’d start using it to dry my face. But we never did, right? Has anyone in history every used one of these things on their faces?? I just had a life-changing trip that helped me personally and professionally, but all I can think of is… did the hand dryer people just add the “face” dryer thing as a marketing gimmick? Or did people actually use it for that once upon a time but it fell out of fashion? Or worst of all, is this revealing some shortcoming in my hygiene routine?
Please sound off in the comments or text me or find a way to let me know if I’m crazy or validated?
Thank you. (Wow, what a quick one!)
Recommendations
HOV DID. Audio. MSNBC anchor Ari Melber regularly infuses his reporting with hip hop references. Recently, he did a full line-by-line analysis of Jay Z’s verse on DJ Khaled’s God Did, and Mr. Carter cosigned it by releasing the full audio on his Spotify page. Fun listen.
Astonishing Legends: The Mothman. Podcast. If you like UFOs or (real word!) ufology, this 5-part series about the phenomena in a small West Virginia town is for you.
Munch (Feelin’ U). Song. This song by New York rapper Ice Spice is very fun and you should listen whenever you need to hype yourself to stand up to someone.
LOUIE. Kenny Beats. I love Kenny Beats. He makes great beats and shares his knowledge and passion with his fans. He’s a cool guy. His first album is mostly instrumental and, despite being inspired by his father’s cancer diagnosis, it’s very bright and nice to listen to.
Okay, that’s all! Have a wonderful week, and sending much love!
Julian
P.S. I spend anywhere between two and twelve hours a week on the Sternal Journal. If you enjoy receiving it (and are RICH) consider becoming a paying subscriber. For just a few bucks a month, you can provide me with a bit more time to come up with fun topics, poems, and interviews; and you with probably fewer typos.