All of my favorite times in New Orleans
and my new favorite AI failure
Est. Read Time: 7 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
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SHOWS
Historical Roast of Queen Elizabeth II at the Hollywood Improv - Nov. 29, 7:30PM
Spotlight Hollywood - Dec. 10
SAN DIEGO - Dec. 13-15
Drinking Habits @ The Crow - Jan. 24
Hello Sternal Journalists!
Two sections today, one heartfelt and one dumb (plus of course you can scroll down to Recommendations to see what I’ve been loving this week)!
Tis’ The (end of stand-up festival) Season!
New Orleans’ greatness, briefly
I am reporting live from the end of my stand-up festival run. My final fest this year was Hell Yes Fest in New Orleans. It was very fun.
My favorite part was that I got to take a trolley into the city every day. It was red and on tracks and definitely therefore a trolley, but everyone there told me I had to call them “streetcars.”
My second favorite part was when a local told me that he thinks New Orleans pride is different than other cities’ pride because there is an understanding that it is a temporary city and, according to him, could very well no longer exist within our lifetimes. So, to paraphrase, might as well enjoy it now! I thought his comfort with this sort of practical fatalism was pretty admirable. Let us definitely enjoy the things we have now, especially if we’re worried they may go away one day.
My third favorite part was drinking two Fulton Freezes with an old college friend and her husband. If you have the opportunity to drink two slushy coffee drinks with an old friend and a new friend, do it.
I also made my friend’s dad cry because he liked my performance so much. I also also watched a group of very professional upstanding women pass around a bag of Schedule I drugs like they were fun-sized KitKats at a medium nice Mexican restaurant. I also also also lost $85 playing video roulette, which is a respectable time to walk away from the table and puts me down only five dollars all time on video roulette.
All of this was fun and more importantly joyous. I really love doing comedy festivals, but I’m excited to have a little bit more time to write and experiment instead of showcaseshowcaseshowcasing nonstop.
Comedy festivals are great for networking and testing your material on different types of audiences, but more than anything, the thing you gain from it is the ability to post on Instagram that you got into a festival and make other people feel a little bad that they didn’t get in or forgot to apply. I wish this wasn’t the most useful part, but I’m just tryna be straight with you all. The Sternal Journal is nothing if not straightshootin’.
Bean Olympics
My new favorite AI failure
The other day, I was making dinner. The only vegetable I had were some frozen green beans. I did not just want to make some bland frozen green beans.
I wanted to zhuzh it up a bit, do something fun. I was hungry so I wanted to save time. I thought perhaps there would be a fun recipe that involved quickly defrosting green beans. So I googled:
And Google’s new AI function, which is mostly mildly helpful but I know that out in the wild has produced some silly mistakes, gave me the greatest AI failure I have ever experienced. Enjoy:
That is all. Please comment if you have any other fun ideas to defrost the beans. But for now!
Recommendations!
Conclave. Film. I saw this pope thriller TONIGHT and boy, did I love it. It is papal, it is a thriller, and that is really all you need to know. The whole theater also laughed a couple times. This is not a The Beekeeper situation! I promise this one is actually good! Edward Berger was nominated for an Academy Award last year! Seriously see it!
Volker Bertelmann. Composer. He did the music for Conclave which is spooky and awesome, but also made the badass score for All Quiet. If you’re trying to really attack the week, I can think of no better song to get in the zone than “Remains,” the main theme from All Quiet. Not saying you have to attack the week, though. If you’re feeling more chill going into the week, do NOT listen to “Remains!”
Carrier. Podcast. I saw Wicked Part 1 last night and, as a Wizard of Oz devotee who had never read the Wicked book or seen the musical, I loved it. I am only upset that it was just Part 1. But obviously you know about that movie, SO here’s a Cynthia Erivo deep cut that I listened to back in 2019 when I thought narrative podcasts might take off. It’s a thriller about a longhaul trucker who picks up something spooky! You can listen to it and be very condescending to others when they bring up Erivo and only know about Wicked lol dumbasses.
Bad Times At The El Royale. Film. She’s in this too and it’s a lot of fun. I would describe it as chaotic melee noir.
Alrighty, that’s all for this week! Don’t forget: whoever is closest to the beans when the music stops has to check if they’re ready!
Much love!
Julian