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Hello Sternal Journalists!
A fun thing about doing stand-up is you get to regularly hear people make jokes about your appearance. This is actually probably not fun for most people, but since I’m a handsome-, tall-, and fit-enough guy who generally isn’t an asshole, the comments aren’t usually that hurtful. Three of my recent favorites:
“nerdy Chris Hemsworth”
Julian “looks like he teaches karate at the mall” (h/t comedian JP Puthenveetil)
and “you talk like you’re in a room quickly filling with water” (h/t comedian Peter Murphy)
To the last one I say, you all don’t see the water???
Jkjk, but it has given me the idea to film a special where I’m in a David Blaine-like cube on stage which, over the course of an hour, does completely fill with water. If anybody believes they have expertise in how to construct or engineer a cube like this, please let me know.
Anyway, I was staring at a squirrel last week and wrote this poem that’s also about judging appearances:
The Squirrel Questions
Who do we like better: the squirrel or the rat?
The squirrel.
Why the squirrel?
Because it’s tail is cute.
But is it’s tail cute?
Yes.
Or does it just cover its rats tail with cute fluff?
Well…
Is the rat not more vulnerable?
Oh.
Is the rat not more proud of its little spindle of flesh?
Gross.
Is the rat not more comfortable in its body?
Ugh.
Who do we like better?
The… still the squirrel.
But are we properly ashamed of the preference we give the squirrel?
Yes. Sure. Fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
If you didn’t like that and feel cheated out of a Sternal Journal, I implore you to google “hairless squirrel” and as a bonus “bear no hair.” Pretty incredible stuff. And now for some other pretty incredible stuff:
Recommendations
Amsterdam. Movie. I’ve gotten into a habit of trying to avoid all reviews before seeing a movie, and I’m glad I did for this one because I adored this love letter to platonic friendships only to leave the theater and discover it got a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was zany, all over the place, not actually that based in the history it purports to be, but I really liked it. (disclaimer: I had forgotten about all of the stories about how terrible of a person David O. Russell is to work for! Uh, really wish he was less of an asshole!)
Bring It On Home to Me. Song (Cover). Big fan of this Sam Cooke song and had it stuck in my head all week. When listening to the original a few times, a stumbled on this harmonious, smooth cover by BJ The Chicago Kid, P.J. Morton, Kenyon Dixon, and Charlie Bereal. The music video is simple and great also.
Anthony Bourdain on JRE. Podcast Episode. I just finished Kitchen Confidential, which I thoroughly enjoyed. While making dinner tonight, I figured there would be some good Bourdain podcast episodes to listen to and of course Joe Rogan is the first one that popped up. I’ve only listened to a few episodes of JRE, but I have two takeaways: 1) One of the great things about it is that he’s so wide-reaching in his guests and has done so many episodes that, if there’s a person you want to hear an interview with, it’s quite likely that you’ll find one on JRE. 2) I think maybe Rogan was a better interviewer earlier on. This is the earliest episode I’ve listened to by far (138) and he seems more engaged, on his toes, and intentional than in the later episodes I’ve listened to. Bourdain is obviously a great interview.
Alrighty, that’s all this week! Don’t be ashamed of being a rat or a squirrel!
Much love,
Julian
P.S. I spend anywhere between two and twelve hours a week on the Sternal Journal. If you enjoy receiving it (and are RICH) consider becoming a paying subscriber. For just a few bucks a month, you can provide me with a bit more time to come up with fun topics, poems, and interviews; and you with probably fewer typos.