Est. Read Time: 5 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections.
Hello Sternal Journalists,
A relative quickie today, as I believe everyone is recovering from either Super Bowl plans or non-Super Bowl plans. (Quick aside: isn’t that kind of nice? That, even if you aren’t into a day like the Super Bowl, you can take the opportunity that others are celebrating or slowing down a bit and design a more bespoke celebration for yourself? e.g. I did wind up watching the game with a few people, but for a hot second there, we were planning a Gucci Bowl where we rewatch House of Gucci, starting it precisely at kickoff. Both fun!)
But first, I have a variety of shows coming up and I’d love to see you at one!
SHOWS
Can’t Even This Thursday, 2/17 7pm. Back at the Mama Shelter rooftop! Free!
Set Swap! Weds, 3/2 8PM. A bunch of comics are doing each others’ material, and I’ll be switching with the inimitable Eli Leonard (who had a scene-stealing turn on Curb Your Enthusiasm this season). He’s going to eviscerate me and I’m excited. At least click through to see me rendered in animation on the poster.
Sunday Funday 3/27 8PM. Ticket link to come, but it’s at The Hollywood Comedy, a very fun spot near Melrose and Vine (you can stop by Pavilions first!)
Now, onto the Journ:
When I was 10, and then when I was 16, I went to Greece. I have family there because my maternal grandmother’s parents (my double-maternal great-grandparents?) came from there to Washington, D.C. in the early 1900s. My great grandfather and his brothers opened some candy shops and dry goods stores. They were very involved in the Greek Orthodox Church and, I was told, lived in the quarters attached to it for some time.
I should fact check all of that and I will one day, but we’re not hear to talk about my deep and winding ancestral legacy in the nation’s capital.
WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT A MONKEY TAKING A CRAP.
Because I don’t know if it’s a side effect of being a descendent in a family whose history took a hard divergence, or just ~the Greek way~, but when we went to Greece, for the most part, we had a place to stay wherever we were going.
And one of the welcoming distant relatives (I never knew actually how distant) was a kind dentist in Athens. He had kids my age who I assume were like my fifth cousins twice removed, but they welcomed us like first cousins.
And there were many wonderful memories about those trips—again, perhaps I’ll get into them another time—but the most enduring was being in a gift shop of some sort and seeing this refridgerator magnet:
I actually think I was looking at a larger poster-sized version of this art (yes, art). Or maybe I was off looking at something else like some Greek-language Goosebumps which I vividly remember being obsessed with.
Anyway, I think I was off doing something and Theíos Odontíatros (Greek for “Uncle Dentist”) came and grabbed me to show me the above piece of artwork (which, again, was available in both poster and magnet sizes). He was laughing, and I was only sort of laughing. Because he was laughing so hard that I thought there must be some joke I was missing. And I said, “I don’t know if I get it.”
And he looked at me, looked at it, then back at me, and said (in a very Greek accent):
“It’s a MON-key, taking a CRAP!”
And then we both laughed because, of course, a monkey taking a crap is a very funny thing. And I can’t remember who bought the magnet, or when it made it to my home in Los Angeles, but it’s been on my fridge for a few years and it makes me mutter to myself “A monkey taking a crap,” multiple times a day, which in turn makes me smile.
I hope you have a monkey taking a crap in your life, and if you don’t, I encourage you to find one.
Also, for some bonus smiles, here’s the original image the magnet is based on:
And here’s a totally different rendition?!
How is this such a widely remixed image?! Is anyone else familiar with it? I didn’t know it was such a thing. Anyway, onto…
Recommendations!
The Greater Los Angeles Homeless Count. Service Activity—Volunteers Needed! Next week, all over the city of LA, local government agencies will be conducting an effort to count the unhoused people in different regions of Los Angeles. Having up-to-date data on this helps secure federal funding for services and housing, so this is very important work. If you head to that link, you can find the deployment site nearest you and see if they still need volunteers (they probably do!). And if you have any questions, hit me up! I’m helping to plan the one for my neighborhood council, so I can walk you through it!
The Trojan Horse Affair. Podcast. I recommended this last week, but doubling down because I finished and can’t stop thinking about it. Highly recommend.
“It’s Not Your Fault You Can’t Pay Attention. Here’s Why.” Podcast Episode. I’m back on an Ezra Klein kick and really enjoyed this interview with Johann Hari, the writer of a new book Stolen Focus, which tackles various factors that deteriorate our ability to pay attention. Buzzy fact that I took away from it: research shows that, when something interrupts a state of deep focus, it takes an average of 23 minutes to get back into that state (As if I’ve gone 23 minutes without getting a text!)
Belfast. Film. This Best Picture nominee from writer-director Kenneth Branagh is somehow a heartwarming tale about a civil war that tears apart a community. If you loved Derry Girls, you'll love this movie. If you loved this movie, check out Derry Girls!
Drank in My Cup. Song. I rediscovered this Kirko Bangz certified classic from the early 2010s this week. Not for everyone, but if you reminisce for a time when Drake was still finding his voice and other rappers were making careers off of his early efforts, you won’t be disappointed.
Alrighty, much love to all!
Julian
P.S. I spend anywhere between two and twelve hours a week on the Sternal Journal. If you enjoy receiving it (and are RICH) consider becoming a paying subscriber. For just a few bucks a month, you can provide me with a bit more time to come up with fun topics, poems, and interviews; and you with probably fewer typos.