A D.C. show, a winner to a contest nobody knew was happening

plus some teazies

Hi Sternal Journalists,

First of all, I’m hosting a show in D.C. on Wednesday! It’s indoors, but masking is required. I met these comics over Zoom during the pandemic and they’re a hoot and a half. We are finally meeting in person, so I named the show “finally meeting.”

(Yes, I have naming power. It’s a thrill. You need anything named? You come to me. A show, a plant, a startup. Just give me the tone, zaniness quotient, and number of desired syllables and I’ll give you exactly what you need. Here: JarshlZ. That’s a freebie plant name. If you want the good ones, unfortunately you gotta pay.)

If you’re a D.C. person, and you’re like “would love to see you, but maybe not inside in an apartment with a group of people even if they’re masked,” completely reasonable! I will be here until next Monday. hmu.

Contest Winner

Next up, huge congratulations to Sternal Journalist ZB for winning the See-Julian-From-Afar-And-Take-A-Picture-Of-Him challenge. This is an open and secret challenge every week, and finally a Sternal Journalist has done it without being asked.

This intrepid member of our newsletter nation caught me running with actual journalist Kelyn Soong (Washington City Paper, Keepin’ Calm With Juli-An).

In this action shot, Kelyn is seen demonstrating what is called proper running form whereas I am standing so straight up that it appears I have no plans to, nor do I quite possess the knowledge required to motion myself in any sort of forward way.

This form may just be why I’ve never had an overtraining injury, but I’m in the 99th percentile of just plain falling over while running.

Congrats again to ZB! Who will take a picture of me this week?! Anyone?

Other things!

I’ve been traveling and sleeping on futons, so it’s been harder to hunker down and attack a good old SJ long read, but fear not! I have some in the works.

  • Like about this master-planned community that is dubbed “the most sprayed area in Southwest Florida” on it’s Wikipedia (and also what the hell is a master-planned community? Is there anything not creepy about it?)

  • And about those unmarked bag tortilla chips they have in every grocery store now. Do they make them in house? Why are they so uniformly good? Why is Whole Foods’ version of them the worst?

  • And a few interviews I’m really excited about, but would rather surprise you with!

I also really appreciate everyone who reached out last week with thoughts about what they love about the Sternal Journal. Per all of your thoughts, I will absolutely be keeping interviews, deep dives, opinion pieces, and the vibe of epistolarity in constant rotation, and start planning them a bit further out to give you more consistent and robust content from the journ! But until then…


This tweet about Molly Seidel. Tweet. We likely know that I have complicated feelings about the Olympics, but stripping the community-devastating effects they can have on the cities they descend on, I really, really enjoyed this screengrab: the eventual Bronze medalist in the marathon admitting that she looked up a Runner’s World article the day before the race to plan her hydration strategy (and don’t miss the “1 Article Left” pointed out by another Twitter use.

How A Daddy Long Legs Grows Such Strange Legs. Article. If you don’t like spiders move along, but this article about how a specific spider’s legs can work like a monkey’s tale might also endear them to you? Also, the fact that they were called Harvestmen and we were like “No, too robust. You are a daddy long leg.”

Industry Baby But It’s Lofi. Song. Stumbled upon this completely by accident while trying to listen to Lil Nas X (and lil Jack Harlow)’s Industry Baby for the umpteenth time this week. A guy named Usama Thakur has made dozens of “but it’s loft” versions of your favorite songs. Perfect for elevators or when you want to listen to some jams while getting work done, but not start rapping along in a public place.

That’s it for now!

The most love to all!