8 New Howdy-fied Empty Questions

The Sternal Journal

Safe and sane as one can be!

Sternal Journalists!

Newsflash: I just learned that "Howdy" was likely derived as a shortening of "How do you do." For real, this is true. And I love it.

We had a question that people don't answer fully or honestly (How do you do/How are you?) and we turned it into a certifiably fun-as-hell greeting (Howdy). So we get the ritual greeting, we spice it up, but we take it out of the form of a question.

Think about it! Nobody feels the need to respond to "howdy" with "Good" even when their eyes say "but I'm really [sad / confused / constipated]. It is definitively superior to an empty "How are you?"

And listen, I encourage everyone to ask each other real questions and give each other real answers, especially now. Communication and connection is so important.

But in case you find yourself asking the ritual questions on the way to those meaningful conversations, I've included a list of eight time saving howdy-fied versions of those questions so you can get to the meat quicker.

How have you been feeling ->

1. Howyabf!

Are you working these days? ->

2. Aywotada!

Have you figured out the Zoom background thing? I haven't tried it yet ->

3. Zoombai Hatity!

Have you been looking at that graph of the cases going up? ->

4. Grafsaddyono!

Do you know if Tenet is ever going to be on streaming?

5. Gimmedanolan!

Have you started baking or anything like that?

6. Yapikahobbyprollybakin!

Do you have to go in for work?

7. Yabossatakinchances!

Have you been crying at all?

8. Yawawa!

And there you have it, Sternal Journalists. 8 brand new, fun-ass greetings to try as alternatives to empty questions you don't care about the answers to. Feel free to submit questions I've missed! I'll include howdy-fied versions of them in a future Sternal!

Things I enjoyed this week:

-2 Chainz has a new album! It's worth a listen if only for the line, "I feel fly, yes I'm fly, land on Mike Pence!"

-Stath Lets Flats. What starts as a very cringe humor workplace comedy about London-Cypriot Stath who is terrible at renting apartments, becomes a tender story about family and failure (with still a ton of cringe humor). I really like it. Does not hurt that it has a ton of Greekiness in it.

-Getting into Knives by the Mountain Goats. Hey! These dudes are good. Never listened to 'em.

-One by Willie, a podcast by Texas Monthly that breaks down a single Willie Nelson Song.

Joe Cabello and I are still doing our secret podcast and I think we're starting to hit our stride. Well, I am. Joe is always in stride. This week, Biden Avengers, a fake Ryan Seacrest, and a Zoom play whose targeted instagram had some messaging issues.

Until next week, grafsaddyono*!


*This one's like an aloha. It can be used for comin and goin!