Wherein I make fun of a dumb Peloton ad.
The Sternal Journal
I need a logo or at least signature font. Any of you readers got thoughts?
Sternal Journalists,
If there's one thing I love shattering, it's norms.
(If I'm allowed two things to love shattering, the other would be that magic shell syrup where it comes out syrup and then freezes on the ice cream, and you get to shatter it with your spoon as you dig in. That stuff is delicious, and a rewarding tactile experience.)
But if I have to pick the one, like I said, it's norms, and that's why we are here with the first ever Monday Edition of the Sternal Journal.
It's just like a Sunday edition, but it means my weekend was more fun.
I have another show on Friday at 8PM. Come on out if ya wanna!
Photo by Mollie Stern.
Okay, promo over. Let's move on to the content of the week, which is...
THE MAIL BAG DRAG!
This is a new segment where I make fun of (drag) something that I received via e-mail. I just got a targeted ad for the Peloton treadmill because Google knows (correctly) I love running and thinks (incorrectly) I have money.
I'm a run-y out-y-side-y kinda guy, so I wouldn't go spending my riches on one of these even if I had riches, but I was curious so I clicked through. And I'm glad I did because look-a-this picture:
A great ad tells a story, and oh, the story this one tells!
Look at these poor souls trapped in a loveless marriage. She runs away from him while going nowhere. He hangs his head, exhausted by everything that's behind him.
But the true devil is in the details, or one detail particularly:
Behold the little yellow soccer ball lingering in the corner. That is not a regulation-sized ball. It is a ball for a child.
This never-ending cycle of ergonomically-optimal tread strips does not solely belong to this couple, no.
It belongs to this child, this unseen victim of domestic strife, who is clearly being taught the value of sport at a young age.
Which yes, sport and movement are valuable to an extent, but I fear, dear journalist, that this child is learning the methods and mistakes of their parents as well.
That physical exercise can replace the emotional exercise it takes to keep up the fitness of relationships with loved ones and yourself.
It can't, child! It shouldn't! Look away from them, please, just as they look away from each other! Do not repeat the cycle!
*Sigh* This Mail Bag Drag really took a turn. But it was also brought to you by...
Peloton Tread: Just Keep Going Through The Motions!
And finally, recommendations for the week:
Whitmer Thomas' The Golden One, HBO: So I just spent most of this missive bashing the advertising industry, and I have similar thoughts about marketing, however I gotta give credit where credit's due.
I probably would have gotten around to watching this special eventually, as Thomas is someone I've been wowed by when I catch him on the LA comedy scene, but the reason I saw it in the first place is that my good friend Zach works in marketing for HBO and put on a pretty great event for the premiere. And I'm very glad he did!
If you're not familiar with him, Thomas is an Alabama bred LA comic who describes himself as an aging emo kid and a "pre-cum Jim Carrey," and both of those really track. This special is loosely themed around his mom's death, and filmed at THE Flora-Bama Lounge (I know at least 5 Sternal Journalists who will be sold on this fact alone). He produces and performs some pretty legit goth pop that is interwoven with the special, along with documentary-style conversations with family members.
As long as you go in with an open mind and know there will be very funny and very sad moments (something that is more and the norm for Big Comedy Events), I really think this one has something for everyone. Stream it on HBO.
Charles Dickens' Bleak House: Maaan, I've been trying to read this book for YEARS and I just got past the mark I always get stuck at. I'm only 50 pages into this 800 page book, but I'm mostly recommending it because I'd like someone to read it along with me. Holler if you're that person.
My favorite part about it so far is that he spend like 50% of the preface addressing the fact that one of the characters dies from spontaneous combustion, and that one of his friends said that was impossible, but he's really sticking to his guns. Looking back and knowing how wrong he was, it's very funny.
Alright, that's it! Talk to ya Sunday!
Julian