Est. Read Time: 5 minutes. Read Time brought to you once again by the Ashburton Energy + Hair Logistics Group, in association with the Bradley Hills Bureau of Corrections + Housing.
New to the SternJourn? You’re getting this email because you subscribed or asked me to ass you! It’s a place where Julian (me) talks about comedy, writing, productivity, and whatever the hell else he wants. Check out the best of 2022, 2021, or 2020!
SHOWS:
Comedy Store Belly Room (LA). March 28th. more details soon!
Bergamot Comedy Festival (LA). April 1st-5th. more details soon!
Comedy Loft (DC). May 28th. featuring for the great Sam Salem. Sam is one of my famous friends, and he’s hopefully famous enough to sell out this 250-seat space but if not, maybe I can be that famous for him instead.
You live someplace you want me to perform?? Let me know, I’ll be there tomorrow, I never overpromise!
Sternal Journalists!
Today, I had a table read for a script I’ve had on the back burner for way too long and needed to gain some MOMENTUM on. I gained that momentum. I also learned a few lessons about having a table read.
If you buy beer and mimosas for the table read, put the beer and mimosas *out* in a visible place. Do not count on people to go all the way to the fridge or take you up on the offer when they arrive. It’s 2pm on a Sunday. You’re in your 30s. People aren’t gonna squeeze out of a conversation to go grab a Sierra Nevada pale ale from the fridge. Put them in an ice bucket on the table next to the bagels. You must give them the “Well, I guess I could have one” feeling you only get when a beer is right in front of you.
Tell everyone who everyone is. I mean this in both ways. Introduce everyone and how you know them personally in a formal way as the reading starts, but also tell everyone who everyone is playing. I had a bunch of roles (too many for a short film, some might say) and it was a little hard for people to follow who was who. Next time, I will invest less in hidden beer and more in visible placards or name tags.
Come to terms with the fact that it’s just gonna feel like you have a lotta action lines. For the uninitiated, these are basically the parts of the script that aren’t dialogue. Example:
JOHN:
“Where did all this poop come from?”
John looks at JIMBO THE HUMAN OVERFLOWING TOILET, who shrugs guiltily.
JIMBO THE HUMAN OVERFLOWING TOILET:“Me no know!”
In the above example, “John looks at JIMBO THE HUMAN OVERFLOWING TOILET, who shrugs guiltily.” is an action line. I have a lot of action lines in my script. I was kind of proud of this when I wrote it because it felt more cinematic and like I was thinking in images instead of just dialogue. However, when read aloud, it puts a lot of work on the one person who is doing stage directions (and did splendidly, by the way! Thanks, Ben!) and, in my opinion, creates a bit of a lopsided rhythm to the whole thing.
That being said, I think that’s just kind of how it goes, which is why coming to terms with it is the solution! (I also had an idea to split up the action lines amongst the characters each action line pertains to, but that would probably get confusing. Has anyone tried this? Lemme know).
In short: Put beer where it can be seen, overintroduce everyone and have name tags or something, and settle in for nice big chunks of non-dialogue; and you should be slightly more prepared for your table read than I was.
All those lessons aside, I had a true blast and it is a real joy to get friends together and be creative. Everyone who performed gave me a new insight to a character or a line. Everyone who came to watch gave me great insight.
AAAAND all of this came about because, instead of waiting and wringing my hands over it being the perfect time and the perfect conditions, I just sent a couple emails and committed to a date and made a decision. Which is exactly what I wanted to do this year.
Here is a picture of me looking extra writer-directorial:
And here is a picture of all my great friends:
Recommendations!
I Will. Song. Central Cee is back and, though this croony flirtfest still doesn’t quite reach the heights of “Sprinter,” it’s my favorite song of his in a while and ripe for replays.
Navalny. Documentary. The very sad news about the death of Russian political opposition leader Alexei Navalny reminded me just how much I was blown away, inspired, and honestly entertained by this 2022 documentary about the man and his efforts. If you’ve never seen it, absolutely worth a watch.
2 days into college. Song. Tiktok songwriting at its finest.
Bad Drawings of Good Ideas. Old Sternal Journal. If you enjoyed this entry, check out it’s spiritual predecessor.
Alrighty, that’s all for this week!
Love!
Julian!
P.S. I spend anywhere between two and twelve hours a week on the Sternal Journal. If you enjoy receiving it (and are RICH) consider becoming a paying subscriber. For just a few bucks a month, you can provide me with a bit more time to come up with fun topics, poems, and interviews; and you with probably fewer typos (Update: I have gained some paid subscribers since originally writing this bumper and I don’t think it’s had a meaningful impact on typos. Workin’ on it!)